Turncoat, Target, Trigger

Stranger“You’re late, but I won’t hold it against you.” Martin looked the woman up and down, unimpressed. He held out one hand, not bothering to wipe it off, and waited. This was important.

Jean ignored the greeting and the smirk, but could not avoid the handshake, sharp edges pressing into her palm. His cologne was too strong, almost dizzying. She smiled, a cold baring of teeth.

The man in grey watched from the shadows. One of the pair was the turncoat; the other, his target. He saw them clasp hands. Was that the exchange? His gun wavered, steadied, fired.

This prompt, courtesy of Trifecta Writing Challenge, was quite a challenge for me.

Take a scene that involves (or affects) at least three people. You should then write this scene from the point of view of three of the characters, using 33 words for each character.

I wanted all three viewpoints to come across clearly, yet hang together in one story. Third person omniscient is not my forte. Please tell me, did it work?

21 responses to “Turncoat, Target, Trigger

  1. Yes, it did. It worked VERY well, and I would happily read a lot more of it. *nudge, wink, yes, that means keep going*


    • Thank you! It was a real challenge for me – I tend to keep strictly to one perspective. I’m afraid I don’t have a continuation in mind as of yet, but you never know…


  2. I like this one! Suspenseful and intriguing in so few words.


  3. This was well done, the fear, the feared, and the follower… bravo!


  4. ooooh – great beginning to a bigger piece.


  5. Bang bang maxwell’s silver hammer … but then, that presumes that the man is the target.


  6. Looks like a spy exchange gone wrong! Nice suspense!


  7. Yes, it worked — it worked perfectly. Three very distinct voices but all brought together expertly. I always enjoy clicking on your links and this one was no exception. Thanks for linking up.


  8. I think you managed your voice and your three POV’s quite nicely. Love the noir-type stylings, too!


    • Thanks, Cam – this style was way out of my comfort zone, which is part of what made it fun. It was a bit of a stretch for me to make it feel authentic and uncontrived.


  9. I think this works both as an intriguing story and managing three points of view with an effortless flow. I’m glad I stopped by to read. I really like your approach to this prompt.


  10. This actually caused me to gasp at the end … completely unexpected! I like the Trifecta/extras for how “easy” it is to exit my areas of writing comfort. You really hit this out of the park! I’d love to hear more too …


    • Seriously?? Sweet! What a great accolade – making a reader gasp.

      I love the Trifextra prompts for the same reason. It’s also a great way to experiment with compelling word combinations and “showing not telling.”


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