Do you see it? That red glow,
low and clinging to the horizon,
unnerving in its ambiguity.
Even the stars recoil.
Oil and water, earth and sky—
I cannot reconcile them,
Embattled as they are—
Ardent and unmanned.
And so my children learn their place:
asymmetrical, the scales of power.
Were you about to argue?
You, with your injured pride?
I’d hold my tongue, if I were you.
You have nothing to fear.
In which I attempt an echo poem, which is harder than it seems. This one may have run off the rails a bit…
Christine Hanolsy 
This was great, when I was reading it I didn’t even realize you were going for a specific type of poem. I really appreciate that you all at yeah write work so hard every week to bring your readers and contributors these awesome posts full of knowledge every week. Now I should really try taking up those challenges one of these days, but I always feel so pressed for time!
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Even the stars recoil.
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That was the line that got me moving again after I stalled on this poem way back in November…
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Gorgeous visuals. Great dichotomies at play: earth and sky, oil and water. Very pictorial language.
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Thank you so much! 🙂
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This might sound facetious but I mean it: this sounds like the most eloquent possible response to a Facebook troll – it’s dark and fearful and uneasy, but still noble and powerful. The lines about how children “learn their place: asymmetrical, the scales of power” stands out to me the most.
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… That’s pretty much exactly what I intended. I’m not kidding. If I’d been better with the title, it might have been clearer, but I was at a loss and then I was out of time.
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Hey cool! I liked having it slowly become clear to me, and it was even clearer on the second read, with “cannot reconcile them” and “ardent and unmanned.”
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The words you’ve used sound absolutely beautiful rolling off the tongue. I enjoyed the lines:
“Do you see it? That red glow,
low and clinging to the horizon,
unnerving in its ambiguity.”
And I also loved the sounds of ‘recoil’ and ‘reconcile’.
This poem has some powerful undertones and I enjoyed the fact I could use the ambiguity to create my own sense of purpose and place within it – relating it to things happening in my own life. I hope that makes sense!
Thanks for sharing.
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Thank you so much!! I admit, it feels good in my mouth, this poem.
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You can’t beat a ‘good in the mouth’ poem that’s for sure!
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I’m with Tara. I don’t quite understand the poem, but the echo was spot-on! I was in awe of it especially here: “unnerving in its ambiguity. / Even the stars recoil.”
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The echo rhymes sort of dictated the rest of the poem. I found it was easy to play with language and sound, but harder to pull together the idea behind it.
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Some lines really jump at you at times android me…this one
clinging to the horizon,
unnerving in its ambiguity.
I am afraid the poem went over my head, which is not unusual, lol. But that line spoke to me.
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It took me n an unexpected direction, for sure. The rhymes kind of carried it. Does it help to know I started writing this around November 9?
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