The things I forget are simple. Not your face,
Or the color of your eyes (blue, with hints
Of grey and gold, like the sea at dawn.)
I forget the sound of birds marking the dawn,
the taste of salt, the touch of sun on my face.
I forget the shape of us. You left me only hints:
The tree outside my window that hints
of tangled limbs; the deep shadows at dawn;
the clouds that hide the moon’s face.
I face the sea, scour it for hints of you. Dawn is just a simple thing.
A gauntlet was thrown among the YeahWrite editors: it’s a tritina slam this week! Check out the other entries on the fiction|poetry grid. (Click the badge below.)
ughh, Christine, you are amazing! All the time. Loved how effortless you make tritinas seem. And how your words always make me sway in a rhythm of your making.
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Ah, there’s that music again. It’s always music that I hear when I read your work. Were you, perchance trained as an instrumentalist or singer of some sort? As a child, maybe? LOVE it.
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Music major, actually. 🙂 (Composition, and a whole bunch of choral singing.) Thank you, my dear. This was very kind. ❤
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AHA! I KNEW it. I *always* recognize my own kind. (Voice here – and piano, because they made me).
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Someday I want to write an opera. You know, I’m my spare time.
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I’m here for that. All day.
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This made me feel like I was standing on a beach with the sun coming up, missing someone. Lovely.
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I agree — loveliness in every line. *Mwah*
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You are so perfect at this, it’s intimidating! Beautiful, as always.
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The contrast you made between these detailed descriptions of dawn and that last line made for a cymbal-crash of an ending.
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I love that this is both simple and profound. I really enjoyed how you wove the word “hints” into every stanza.
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Thank you! “Hints” was the hardest one to work naturally into this form. I’m glad it worked for you.
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I liked the theme of simple – simple things, simple images. Of course, the third stanza shows how you can make something simple so beautiful.
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Loved your poetry, Christine! I wish I could write that way..to express similar feelings I keep hidden in a closet in my heart!
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Oops! Saw Asha’s comment and forgot whose I was commenting on. But this did have a feel of being seaside.
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I figured as much. And I can’t complain about being mixed up with Asha. She’s one of the most beautiful writers I know.
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I wondered what sort of poem you would write from poolside. 🙂 I feel it here.
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Haha! Thank you. If I were poolside, I might write a happier poem, maybe!
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Your love poetry is so elegant, so full of longing. It’s always so lush.
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