Tonight I tasted falsehoods in her kisses. I see them, now, in the fall of her hair across my pillow and the angle of her hip. My heart is an overwound spring, an unsigned contract.
Sleeping, she is honest: she does not love me.
Tonight I tasted falsehoods in her kisses. I see them, now, in the fall of her hair across my pillow and the angle of her hip. My heart is an overwound spring, an unsigned contract.
Sleeping, she is honest: she does not love me.
Christine Hanolsy 
Sad and poignant.
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What a punch in the gut from the first line. “falsehood in her kisses” and the spring in an overwound spring…it make me think it was young love or new love that was intense in the narrator.
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Wow. There is so much hidden between the lines! Makes me want to know more.
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This is just FILLED with emotion and tension. Great great job with so few words.
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There’s so much emotional tension with just the way the narrator describes the scene and without any dialogue between the characters. Very well done! The only thing that might need tweaking is “an unsigned contract.” I wasn’t sure if that analogy was the perfect fit for the tone of the piece; it sounds business-like where the narrator sounds like he/she desires more of an emotional connection. It stands out against the wound spring analogy.
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Lovely. You can kind of feel the narrator’s heart breaking. Reads like a poem.
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This is so beautiful and sad
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Wow- that is quite a story for 44 words!
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Bare naked truths.
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Oh wow, that ending!
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Really beautiful and sad, you said it all! Great job!
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This is so good!
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Thank you!
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