Tag Archives: family

Shields

Right now, my kids are watching the news. To be specific, they’re watching election results roll in. They don’t understand the full scope of things, but they know that Mama likes the blue people. That she supports health care and education and gun control and protections for people who don’t look like her or them. These all sound like good things to my elementary-school-aged kids.

I really don’t like it when they glue their eyes to the screen. The political ads lately have been hard to take – on both sides. My kids are confused by the name-calling and the bullying. Right now, they are earnestly trying to parse the politispeak, cheering every time they see a blue name with a checkmark next to it. Don’t tell me I brainwash my kids. We try to be circumspect and as honest as possible when we talk about politics, but kids aren’t stupid. They know what bad behavior looks like. They know what fairness looks like. Not just my kids; ask any kid on the playground. They know when they’re being lied to. When Trump won the 2016 election, my older son cried.

I don’t have the heart to tell them how little I believe this particular mid-term election will change things. I’m trying to stay positive for their sakes. I’m already talking to them about the next election – if there even is one. Sometimes I can’t make myself believe there will be. My rose-colored glasses are foggy and cracked.

A friend posted something the other day about how if we love our country, we need to stay and keep working to make it better. I do love my country, or at least the ideals that have been drummed into our heads since we were kids, that are being drummed into my kids’ heads now: Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I’m grateful I was born here and not someplace scarier. Right now, there’s a caravan of refugees heading toward our southern border because they believe in those ideals too, or maybe they just believe it must be better here than where they came from. That it must be safer here. One can only imagine.

Sometimes I dream about packing up my family and moving someplace safe, too. I have a stack of paperwork that says we are a family: me, my wife, my children. Name change documents, marriage documents, adoption papers, birth certificates. But I don’t believe in paperwork anymore, not when children are being taken from their families all along the border. Don’t tell me, those aren’t American children. Does it matter? They’re children, and this is America. Paperwork is a thin shield against the potential erasure of your family.

Right now, I’m watching the news, and I don’t feel safe.


The boys next door

The knock at the door came at a bad time.

I’d driven for two days straight with a car full of things from my dead mom’s house–on the anniversary of her death, no less. One kid was in the bath, the other was clamoring for dinner. The neighbors were having a Sunday evening backyard party despite the drizzle and we had to shut the kitchen window because it was so noisy. The Kavanaugh debacle was still fresh in my mind and I was still angry. All I wanted was a glass of wine and to shake the knots out of my shoulders.

“It might be someone we know,” my wife said, and so I stomped to the door, ready to snip at whoever was there, and yanked it open.

“Hi,” said the rather good-looking young man on our porch. He was barefoot and held a can of beer in his hand. “We really need someone to take a group picture.”

I wasn’t exactly dressed for a party in my yoga pants and over-sized elementary school sweatshirt. I wasn’t even wearing a bra. Still. “Let me get my shoes,” I said.

The boys next door had strung up lights. Food was laid out on a red tablecloth, and music was playing. Fifteen or so early 30-somethings crowded the small backyard, trying not to step on each others’ toes in the damp grass. Jake and Patrick wore matching Hawaiian shirts; Patrick had their dog, Girlfriend, in his arms. A cheer went up when I came through the gate.

A blonde girl in a red dress handed me her iPhone and scampered off to join the group.

“Dude, did you knock on the neighbor’s door?” somebody muttered.

“I mighta,” said the barefoot beer-drinker.

“Hold on, I’m gonna take a bunch,” I said. “Hopefully one of these will turn out.”

I snapped five or six shots, hoping that everyone’s eyes were open in at least one of them. Girlfriend barked the whole time. The blonde girl came for her phone and squealed at the photos, so I guess I did okay.

“Is there an occasion?” I asked, mostly out of politeness. “Somebody’s birthday?”

“They got married!” someone called out.

In the midst of social chaos, when white supremacists and Nazis speak freely and without repercussion, where passports are being revoked and protections reversed, halfway through the reign of Donald Trump, Jake and Patrick got married. In their backyard on a Sunday night, surrounded by their closest friends, their chosen family. It was a surprise wedding, somebody told me. Everyone thought it was just a barbecue.

“You guys,” I said. “I’m gonna cry.”

“It’s okay,” said the blonde girl. “We all did.”


How to have a Sunday

It starts with sleeping late, only not too late, or you’ll miss out. Wait until you hear tires crunching on the driveway’s crackled pavement to hop in the shower. Be quick; the hot water only lasts so long, and your father will be back any minute now.

Go into the kitchen. By now your father is waiting there with the Sunday paper, a box of Entenmann’s donuts, and real coffee in a paper cup. He had to go all the way to Trumbull to get it, a ten-minute drive. The donuts are a treat, but not a surprise. You like plain and powdered; your brother likes cinnamon. With four of each, everyone gets what they want. You can even have two.

Make yourself a cup of coffee: two tablespoons of Taster’s Choice, a spoonful of sugar, and blend with milk until the color matches your skin. Someday you’ll learn what real coffee is; for now, just feel grown-up.

Snag the comics and the Parade magazine, quick, before your brother finishes his donuts. He can start with the sports page instead. You don’t know what your Dad reads, so hand him the rest of the paper: the news, the classifieds, the obituaries, and all those circulars. He’ll sort through them, recycle the stuff no-one wants. He’ll save the coupons for your mother.

If it’s cold, spread the paper out on the living room carpet. Lie on your belly, kick your feet up. Try not to touch the paper; you hate the feel of newsprint on your hands. But if it’s warm and the morning is bright, take the paper out to table on the back deck. That’s the best way.

Break your powdered donut in half and in half again. Take small bites, tapping the excess sugar onto your plate. Repeat with the plain donut, using the broken ends to blot up the white powder, and when the donuts are gone, lick your finger and use that instead. Leave no crumb behind.

Sip your grown-up coffee; listen to the birds and the wind in the trees. Let the sun dry your hair. Hand the comics to your father when you’re done reading.


Punctuation

“I have one favor to ask. Just one. Please?”

We were standing by the river’s edge, waiting for a small barge to take us across to Camp Westwind, where we planned to spend the weekend in rustic cabins without internet or cell service with a hundred strangers – all families of children in our kids’ school program. The ground by the pier was a complete bog.

Please don’t get mud all over your shoes. Can you do that?” I asked my 8-year-old, N.

“Yes, Mama.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

Continue reading